Temporary Goodbye

I am blessed in so many ways, however I'd be lying if I didn't admit the past 2 months have thrown challanges my way that had me lose track of the blessings in my life. Dec 1st, 2011 my grandfather pasted away. I love him and miss him dearly.

Having never lost a grandparent before, the experience has been surreal. Shifting roles from nurse to granddaughter to daughter, etc. happened as they needed to but took alot out of me. Thanksgiving we were told my grandpa would be come home but a day later we were given a 2-3 month timeline and a diagnosis of failure to thrive. (chronic dehydration and aspiration, and not eligible for feeding tube to sustain IV fluids) There are days I am so grateful for my education and RN license, however having to be the person that had to explain grandpa's condition is terminal to his wife and children was one of the hardest things I have faced yet; I couldn't to process it myself.

Two days later, while meeting with hospice, the timeline decreased to 2-3 weeks. Our options were taking my grandpa home for 1-2 weeks until he declined enough to qualify for inpatient hospice, or place him into a nursing facility until he passed. Despite the pressure associated with decision, I was honored when my grandmother gave me soul power to determine where my grandpa be transferred to. My grandmother said she valued the nurse that I have become and trusted I would make the right decision that I knew my grandpa would want. I determined hospice matched the dignity and comfort grandpa would have wanted.
My grandpa was scheduled to come home for inhome hospice when my grandma was diagnosed with pneumonia. Due to her condition, grandpa was tranferred directly to inpatient hospice. Grandpa's condition deteriorated so quickly that 2-3 weeks soon decreased to 2-3 days. I think that grandpa let go and went so quickly to ensure he didn't miss one extra minute of eternity in Heaven with God. Dec 1st we turned on grandpa's favorite show (Price is Right) and the moment it ended he was gone. Craziest yet somehow the most peaceful week of my life. Everything went as he would have wanted and although I still struggle to accept that he is gone, I know he's watching over all of us.

Dec 16th we had my grandfather's funeral. It was immediate family only at Tahoma National Cemetary. He was honored with a 21 gun salute and color guard. The sense of pride and loss I felt all at the same time that dayAf will stay with me forever. Each day is still a struggle between living in the past and the reality of now...but each day I take a little further of a step forward. For now I just have to be patient and live life to the fullest!

Life is eternal, and love is immortal,
and death is only a horizon;
and a horizon is nothing save the limit of our sight.
~Rossiter Worthington Raymond

Aside from the whirlwird that came with my grandfather's death, Dec 21st I had sinus surgery. My nasal septum was shortened and straightened, and my turbinates were corrected. The experience wasn't too miserable. I really don't remember much of the first day. Never threw up and pain medication did a decent job of managing my pain. My sister brought a puppy home from work for me to cuddle with :) and my whole family was super supportive. One thing I didn't think through was how difficult eating would be! I couldn't taste a thing with the nasal packing and chewing agrivated my nose....I lived off mashed potatoes and pudding for the week! Christmas was a blur thanks to the meds but overall I'm glad I got the surgery out of the way. My nose is still tender and supposedly needs 3 months to fully heal. Katie thinks it's gross because my stitches continue to dissolve and fall out of my nose randomly! I sneeze alot more than before my surgery but breath better too!