Robert
Sternberg theorizes that love consists of three components—intimacy, passion,
and commitment. Various combinations of
these three components give rise to different types of love. This activity will give you the opportunity
to think about a relationship you have with a significant other in terms of
Sternberg’s theory.
Part 1
Complete
Sternberg’s Love Scale with a significant other in mind (a friend, family
member, or lover). Scale Below.
Part 2
Have your
significant other (the person you had in mind while taking the survey) complete
the survey. Do not share your results
with your significant other until he or she has finished taking the survey. Also, ask your significant other to take the
survey at a time when you are not present.
It’s important that you do not influence his or her responses.
Part 3
After your
significant other has finished taking and scoring the survey, compare and
discuss your results.
Sternberg’s Love Scale
Intimacy
Component
_____ 1. I am actively supportive of _________'s
wellbeing.
_____ 2. I have a warm relationship with
_________.
_____ 3. I am able to count on __________ in
times of need.
_____ 4. _________ is able to count on me in
times of need.
_____ 5. I am willing to share myself and my
possessions with ______.
_____ 6. I receive considerable emotional
support from ___________.
_____ 7. I give considerable emotional support
to _______.
_____ 8. I communicate well with ___________.
_____ 9. I value _________ greatly in my life.
_____ 10. I feel close to ______.
_____ 11. I have a comfortable relationship with
______.
_____ 12. I feel that I really understand
___________.
_____ 13. I feel that _________ really
understands me.
_____ 14. I feel that I can really trust
___________.
_____ 15. I share deeply personal information
about myself with _____.
Passion
Component
_____ 16. Just seeing ________ excites me.
_____ 17. I find myself thinking about _________
frequently during the day.
_____ 18. My relationship with ___________ is
very romantic.
_____ 19. I find ________ to be very personally
attractive.
_____ 20. I idealize _________.
_____ 21. I cannot imagine another person making
me as happy as __ does.
_____ 22. I would rather be with _________ than
with anyone else.
_____ 23. There is nothing more important to me
than my relationship with __.
_____ 24. I especially like physical contact
with ______.
_____ 25. There is something almost
"magical" about my relationship with ___.
_____ 26. I adore _________.
_____ 27. I cannot imagine life without
_________.
_____ 28. My relationship with _________ is
passionate.
_____ 29. When I see romantic movies and read
romantic books I think of ___.
_____ 30. I fantasize about _________.
Commitment Component
_____ 31. I know that I care about _________.
_____ 32. I am committed to maintaining my
relationship with _________.
_____ 33. Because of my commitment to ______, I
would not let other people come between us.
_____ 34. I have confidence in the stability of
my relationship with ________.
_____ 35. I could not let anything get in the
way of my commitment to ________.
_____ 36. I expect my love for ________ to last
for the rest of my life.
_____ 37. I will always feel a strong
responsibility for ______.
_____ 38. I view my commitment to ________ as a
solid one.
_____ 39. I cannot imagine ending my
relationship with _________.
_____ 40. I am certain of my love for ________.
_____ 41. I view my relationship with _________
as permanent.
_____ 42. I view my relationship with ________
as a good decision.
_____ 43. I feel a sense of responsibility
toward ________.
_____ 44. I plan to continue my relationship
with ______.
_____ 45. Even when ________ is hard to deal
with, I remain committed to our relationship.
Scoring
·
Add your
ratings for each section.
·
Divide the
total for each section by 15 to compute the average subscale score.
·
An average
rating of 5 indicates a moderate level of the component.
Results:
The triangular theory of love is a theory
of love developed
by psychologist Robert Sternberg. In the
context of interpersonal
relationships, "the three components of love, according to the triangular
theory, are an intimacy component, a passion component, and a
decision/commitment component."[1]
3. Commitment – Which
encompasses, in the short term, the decision to remain with another, and in the
long term, plans made with that other.
"The amount of love one
experiences depends on the absolute strength of these three components, and the
type of love one experiences depends on their strengths relative to each
other."Different
stages and types of love can be explained as different combinations of these
three elements. A relationship based on a single element is less likely to
survive than one based on two or three elements.
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The three components, pictorially labeled on the vertices of a triangle,
interact with each other and with the actions they produce so as to form seven
different kinds of love experiences (nonlove is not represented). The size of
the triangle functions to represent the "amount" of love—the bigger
the triangle, the greater the love. The shape of the triangle functions to
represent the "style" of love, which may vary over the course of the
relationship:
Nonlove "refers simply to the
absence of all three components of love. Nonlove characterizes the large
majority of our personal relationships, which are simply casual
interactions."
Liking/friendship is "used here in a
nontrivial sense. Rather, it refers to the set of feelings one experiences
in relationships that can truly be characterized as friendship. One feels closeness,
bondedness, and warmth toward the other, without feelings of intense
passion or long-term commitment."
Infatuated love: "infatuation results from the experiencing
of passionate arousal in the absence of intimacy and
decision/commitment...like Tennov's limerence."[Romantic relationships
often start out as infatuated love and become romantic love as intimacy
develops over time. Without developing intimacy or commitment, infatuated
love may disappear suddenly.
Empty love is characterized by
commitment without intimacy or passion. A stronger love may deteriorate
into empty love. In an arranged marriage, the spouses' relationship may begin as empty love and
develop into another form, indicating "how empty love need not be the
terminal state of a long-term relationship...[but] the beginning rather
than the end."
Romantic love "derives from a
combination of the intimate and passionate components of love...romantic
lovers are not only drawn physically to each other but are also bonded
emotionally"- bonded both intimately
and passionately, but without sustaining commitment.
Companionate love is an intimate,
non-passionate type of love that is stronger than friendship because of
the element of long-term commitment. "This type of love is observed
in long-term marriages where passion is no longer present" but where a deep affection
and commitment remain. The love ideally shared between family members is a
form of companionate love, as is the love between close friends who have a
platonic but strong friendship.
Fatuous love can be exemplified by a
whirlwind courtship and marriage - "fatuous in the sense that a
commitment is made on the basis of passion without the stabilizing
influence of intimate involvement."
Consummate love is the complete form of
love, representing an ideal relationship which people strive towards. Of
the seven varieties of love, consummate love is theorized to be that love
associated with the “perfect couple.” According to Sternberg, these
couples will continue to have great sex fifteen years or more into the
relationship, they cannot imagine themselves happier over the long-term
with anyone else, they overcome their few difficulties gracefully, and
each delight in the relationship with one other. However, Sternberg cautions
that maintaining a consummate love may be even harder than achieving it.
He stresses the importance of translating the components of love into
action. "Without expression," he warns, "even the greatest
of loves can die."Thus, consummate love may
not be permanent. If passion is lost over time, it may change into
companionate love.
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