Spring Junior Year

Apr. 14th, 2009 07:48 pm Quotes
"Death is not the greatest loss in life. The greatest loss is what dies inside us while we live."
"Success consists of going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm."

I would argue that accepting the loss of a child is harder than anything else in the world. I know that I want to be a pediatric nurse but boy will there be hard days. Even if I knew ahead of time I would lose every patient I will care for, I would still care for those kids simply because of how lucky I consider myself meeting such strong boys and girls. Cherish what you have and each day you live.

Apr. 14th, 2009 07:23 pm Hardship
I want to be a pediatric nurse. I really really do despite how hard it is to accept that you can't help and save all of the kids. Today I was lucky enough to take care of a beautiful 9 yo little girl. Prior to entering her room I knew she had stage IV cancer and from the chart I could tell it was a serious case but nothing could really prepare me for what I saw. She was completely emaciated. Her arms and legs were twigs, so much so that I couldn't take her temperature in her armpit because there was no fat on her arms or chest to make them touch. Despite how tiny she was, my patient had a huge distension of her abdomen. She looked like she was 8 months pregnant. I didn't know what to say or what to ask. I felt like everyone knew this little girl was terminal but weren't willing to admit it out loud. I tried to make the best of the day and just we just did puzzles and I listened to her stories about her and her little sisters. She told me how she loves to cook. I almost suggested to her that she become a chef when she grows up but stop myself when I realized she wouldn't be getting to that point in her life. She was so grateful and polite to all of us poking and prodding at her. She is more innocent than the rest of us yet stuck in a situation she can't beat. 18 rounds of chemo. That little girl fought through 18 rounds of chemo only to get sick again. Today was a hard day but I would go through it all again for the privilege of meeting such a strong young woman.

Mar. 24th, 2009 10:18 am Life in a Nutshell
So it is Spring Break! Lordy Lord! If you asked me two weeks ago if I thought I would survive until this point I probably would have said no. In short, it all started with me returning from South Africa (which was amazing might I add)...I had my 21st birthday which was quite eventful and then school got back in the swing of things. All was well until Keith and Nicole got fired near the end of February for coming to my birthday party at the Ram. They were both on duty, got the phone covered, came to dinner with me, each had a beer, three hours passed, keith and nicole drive home and took back the duty phone. No problems until three weeks later ResLife catchs wind that T-stad RAs drank while on duty....because Keith and Nicole had "alcohol in their system," they posed a liability and therefore were fired immediately. I talked to anyone and everyone that I could to change the outcome but reslife wouldn't budge. So now I am floor buddy-less....

Shit has hit the fan on 8th floor and the timing couldn't be better now that Keith is gone. Two roommate conflicts of the boys side, my girls had an intervention gone bad with Sam and her relationship with boys, argument over alcohol shouldn't even be in the rooms to cause the problem, girls and boys want to meet to discuss the upcoming RA interviews....the list goes on. I did a pretty good job holding it together while setting boundaries because I still had my own stuff going on. Losing Keith on the floor almost required the grief process so I needed to take care of me. The T-stad staff has its problems right now but I just needed to get myself straight.

School was a zoo but somehow I made it through the tests and assignments. I have been very sick with every bug that could hit me! Because I was sick, I couldn't work with the babies so had to do a double shift during my hell week....Eric was a lifesaver and came and hung out with me when I needed him the most. Him and I had been getting in fights recently but when my floor exploded, etc I just had to give in and called him crying saying I couldn't handle one more person upset with me. I love him dearly.

Keith and I took 8th floor to Seattle as our last event with Keith....given his firing. We saw Watchmen which was interesting to say the least....The following weekend the T-stad staff had a staff retreat at my cabin and the hall hosted T-stad Tower of Terror. Reyna and I decorated the elevators and I must say we did any amazing job!! Life has been so hectic and stressful.....Lordy Lord.

Have I mentioned yet that it's now spring break? I didn't think it would ever come! Miracle is that I don't have too much homework!! :) I have some scholarships to apply for and an interview at Mary Bridge today! Cross your fingers that goes well. I have a fabulous weekend in Porland with Miss Natalie!! We went to the IMAX and OMSI!! Then we just bummed around her house watching Planet Earth and Wall-E, playing with the puppy, chatting, and doing cross-word puzzles. I need that more than I think I knew!! Now I am on duty but that's okay because it's making me do my work. Lindsey came over last night for dinner and a movie! :)

Well I am off to get ready for my interview but I just summed up my last two months of life in a nut shell. It has definately been a rollercoaster but I can say that this time around I held my head high and dealt with it all to the best that I could. I have come along way!

Oct. 27th, 2008 10:37 am Crazy week ahead
Ever had those weeks where you can see the break down coming but there's really nothing you can do to get around it. That's how this week is going to be. Two of my hardest mid-terms, crazy meetings and time commitments, the start of a new clinical rotation at a scary new hospital, RA responsibilities, not to mention the unforeseen dramas that are likely to materialize from plain air....I have braced myself the best I can and know that this weekend the world will be back to normal. I just hate seeing the stress coming at me like this.

P.S.- I heard from Tyler in China. Only took two and a half months and a hate message so spark his motivation but hey, at least I heard from the kid. Not sure what to send him back yet but I'm not going to worry about that until this hellish week is over.

Oct. 12th, 2008 01:38 pm
Alyssa's T-stad desk Interview
When interviewing for desk workers for the T-stad desk, I was looking for individuals that showed real determination to get and uphold the job. Well I can honestly say that Alyssa Zak blew my mind with her committment! :)  I few days prior to Alyssa's interview, her and I were joking that if she showed up to her interview in a bikini and heels I'd give her the job hands down. Little did I know that she was actually going to walk into my room in a bikini but she did. Aside from being very qualified for the position, Alyssa's sense of humor and dedication won me over and keep me true to my word!

Lost: Scissors of Signifcant Importance
Western State Mental Hospital was the location of my mental health rotation. One of our required assignments was to prepare a class/learning session that we could present to a group of the patients. Megan and I ended being paired together and we decided to focus on our love for traveling! The plan was to make a poster for each continent with pictures of building, food, etc. from that location and then we brought it props from all over the world. We made scones to represent England which the patients went crazy for! And things like masks Megan had from Australia, a Komono from China, etc.
While the final outcome of our project was a huge hit and we made our entire unit of patients very happy, there was a small bump along the way. A few weeks prior to our project's due date, Megan and I brought some of the poster materials to clinical to work on during lunch. When lunch time came around, we started working and soon started gluing away. However when it came to cutting the edges I realized that my scissors were no where to be found. I was 99% that I had thrown the scissors in the bag the night before and now they were missing!!! Panic mode set in a little....There I was realizing that a criminally insane patient could have my scissors and doing harm at the moment to him or herself or someone else.
I informed my instructor that we cold not account for a pair or scissors. She told me she'd give me 2 mins to call someone back at PLU to try and locate the scissors before she would have to call a Code Black (aka complete lock down of the facility until the scissors could be found).  So I run for my cell phone and frantically call Keith. Of course he was sleeping and I had woken him up....but I think that he could tell from my voice that his help was urgent and didn't give me too much crap. I quickly explained that I needed him to key into my room and hunt for the infamous pair of scissors. Once he was in my room he started digging around and says "I got them!" I was so happy!!! I asked "are they the scissors with the green handle?" only to hear "no they are orange" as my response. He'd found the wrong ones and my gut dropped.
Think. think. think. Where the hell could the scissors have gone. While a patient could have taken them, when would they have had the opportunity? The bags had been locked up. But if they weren't taken, why weren't they sitting out in my room?  I don't know what clicked in my head but all of a sudden I had it. Thirty seconds before Keith was going to give up on the search, I remembered that I had been sorting laundry while packing my bag of crafts for clinical. I demended that Keith open my drawers by my desk and start looking through the clothes!  Thank the Lord that a few moments I heard him say he'd found the scissors with green handles. Phew! Nearly in tears I thanked Keith and ran off to tell my instructor the relieving news.
Keith helped save my ass that day and I learned the lesson of leaving all sharp objects in the comfot of my own home....

RIP Gordy
For my clinical rotation as Western State I was assigned to various classes that I was to attend and assist in each day. In the morning, I was with only therapist who worked with patients that needed help figuring out legal proceeding, court edicate, etc. Many of the patient in that class were temporarily being held at Western State because they were claiming mental insanity and needed to be evaluated so the court could make a determination as to whether they were criminally insame or not. My afternoon class was with a therapist named Gordy and about 10 patients that has all been at Western for a prolonged period and had a ways to go with their sentence. We spend some days going over ways to manage stress, anger, etc and the other part of the time drinking coffee and playing games. I quickly learned that the patients held a great respect for Gordy because of the respect he showed them. I jumped right into the class and Gordy would let me plan the lessons for the following week. I really enjoyed it even though I was participating in a job a nurse would generally not do in the hospital.
One day while at lunch, I received rumor that Gordy had been out taking his regular lunch time run in the woods near Western and had collasped. I really got no more information than that. After lunch, I still showed up to my class and realized that word had not yet leaked to the patients yet. A few minutes before class was suppose to start Gordy's close friend (I can't member his name but he was a larger African American man) came into the classroom and asked to speak to me outside. He confirmed that Gordy had passed out while running with a friend and had been rushed to the nearly hospital. He asked if I could run the class while he observed because he was obviously distressed. He also asked that we not mention anything to the patients at this time since we had so little information. The man and I headed back in the classroom and we informed the patient's that Gordy had gone home sick today and that I would be in charge. The class went fine and the only hitch was Gordy's friend who kept tearing up in the back of the room.
The next day I showed up for clinical hoping for new news about Gordy. My instructor took me and Kellie aside (she was in Gordy's morning class) and explained that Gordy had suffered a massive heart attack. His friend who'd been running with him had trying to maintain CPR but had to stop and get help, decreasing Gordy's chances of surviving. Barb told us that all she knew was that Gordy was in Intensive Care on life support and things didn't look that good. It was a blow. I couldn't comprehend that this man, who was very active and outwardly health I might add, was telling me about his college aged son and the cute couple we'd make one day and then the next second he's in ICU. It was later suspected that Gordy suffered his heart attack due to a congenital malformation because he was so young and health.
So with the news from Barb, I had the carry on with the day. When it came time for Gordy's class, his friend was there to meet me again however this time he was a huge wreck; crying and very emotional about the situation. Given that I could not be left alone as a student with the patients, the man had to stay in the classroom but I suggested he just sit in the back and do the best he could to hold it together. When the patients arrived most of them had heard the rumors by this point and had a million questions for me. I explained to them what I knew and told them that they would be kept informed. I could see that they appreciated my attempt to comfort them and in the end we decided to spend the class making Gordy get well cards.
The next day when I returned to Gordy's class, Gordy's friend informed me that his family was planning to take Gordy off life support after Gordy's son had the opportunity to get home from school and see his dad. It killed me to know that the man I had looked to as a role model was unable to recover and come back to the unique place he held at Western State. There was no real reason to upset the entire class especially without security to help if a patient didn't take the news well. I decided not to mention the decision to pull life support and would simply notify the patients once Gordy had passed.
For the class, the patients asked if they could make more cards. Everyone made cards which gave the patients some sense of control and helpfulness towards the situation. It was interesting to observe. When the class ended, one of the patients came up to me with a card which I soon learned had been signed by all the other patients in the class. Handing me the card, the patient explained that they all just wanted to say how grateful they were that I was here to help them through the difficult time without Gordy. It really meant alot. These patients are so often viewed as monsters yet they took the time to make me feel appreciated at a time where they were suffering as well. Not many people out in "regular society" would be willing to show the same compassion and consideration so I hold a special place in my hearts for those students.
It just happens that that day was my last day of clinical ay Western State. It was hard to say goodbye and to leave on such a tragic note but at the same time I knew that I had fulfilled my purpose for that class. I later learned from Barb that Gordy had passed away. Western State held a greiving ceremony for patients to attend and honor their beloved friend and mentor. I will never forget Gordy and pray that his family is doing well. I will never understand God's methods of bringing people in and out our lives the way He does but what I do know is that I was blessed even for the short time that I got to spend with Gordy.

Sep. 30th, 2008 05:47 pm Injection time!
I did my first injection ever on a person today!!! First Heather got to stab me first....She went with the biggy (IM needle) to get it out of the way. I can honestly say that it didn't hurt that bad! The anticipation got me the most! Then it was my turn. I drew up my saline, grabbed my alcohol swabs, wandered over to Heather, planted my my butt on the stool, looked at her arm, and started sobbing.....oh the tears were coming and there wasn't anyway to stop them. Everyone was super encouraging and eventually I got up the strength to stab her. I guess I did a great job! After the SQ injection I went for the biggy and pulled it off too! I pulled the needle outa little while aspiration which was wrong however I got the job done! Oh what a day! I GAVE MY FIRST INJECTION!!! I'M A NURSE!