So why do people get so upset when someone talks behind their back? I always seems that that offense tops the charts and takes the cake in screwing up friendships and really pissing people off. But other day I was thinking, why do we get so mad about the idea people are verbalizing their thoughts about us to someone else? Why is it viewed as a negative? As someone who gets equally agitated to hear that someone said something to someone else rather than come to me about the problem, I decided to try flip the perspective and find all the pros.
Is the person talking behind your back really being a jerk? Or are they rather being considerate and attempting to relieve their own stresses without inconveniencing your feelings? Let's be honest, everyone has talked about someone to a person who is not the person involved. If we all do it then why do we get upset? No one intends on the person hearing what they say as they vent to a friend and how often do you think back and realize you might have been a little harsh and irrational at the time you vented your opinion to someone else. Would people really prefer their friends coming directly to them to express even the smallest annoyances and concerns? Let's be honest, there are things every person doesn't want to admit about themselves, so why do we get upset when a person we knows avoid telling us the crap we don't want to hear. They have to vent, yet we don't want to hear it so what else can we expect? Can't one argue that a friend who talks to someone else to relieve stress about the friendship, so that they can still positively interact with their friend without tension and build up irritation, is completing a nice gesture? Being willing to voice the negatives elsewhere to avoid polluting the friendship is almost noble and kind, is it not?
Don't get me wrong, I realize that sometimes people talk cruelly about people that they dislike and are simply jerks and I in no way can condone that. However when your best friend tells their neighbor "my friend can be self-absorbed sometimes" what is so upsetting about them voicing a characteristic that is likely to be at least marginally correct? Would you rather your friend tell the neighbor, "my friend is perfect and we never disagree"? Would that be more impressive? Personally I think that the neighbor would see through the facade and be less interested in two people who are obviously fake and shallow friendship. Aren't the best friends we have the one's that are the most honest and real with us? So why do we get angry when they are honest and real around other people? I think perhaps the next time I realize someone is talking behind my back....I'll simply tell them to do a better job at it because I found out. Just a thought. :D
Original Date: Jul. 14th, 2008 01:24 pm
Is the person talking behind your back really being a jerk? Or are they rather being considerate and attempting to relieve their own stresses without inconveniencing your feelings? Let's be honest, everyone has talked about someone to a person who is not the person involved. If we all do it then why do we get upset? No one intends on the person hearing what they say as they vent to a friend and how often do you think back and realize you might have been a little harsh and irrational at the time you vented your opinion to someone else. Would people really prefer their friends coming directly to them to express even the smallest annoyances and concerns? Let's be honest, there are things every person doesn't want to admit about themselves, so why do we get upset when a person we knows avoid telling us the crap we don't want to hear. They have to vent, yet we don't want to hear it so what else can we expect? Can't one argue that a friend who talks to someone else to relieve stress about the friendship, so that they can still positively interact with their friend without tension and build up irritation, is completing a nice gesture? Being willing to voice the negatives elsewhere to avoid polluting the friendship is almost noble and kind, is it not?
Don't get me wrong, I realize that sometimes people talk cruelly about people that they dislike and are simply jerks and I in no way can condone that. However when your best friend tells their neighbor "my friend can be self-absorbed sometimes" what is so upsetting about them voicing a characteristic that is likely to be at least marginally correct? Would you rather your friend tell the neighbor, "my friend is perfect and we never disagree"? Would that be more impressive? Personally I think that the neighbor would see through the facade and be less interested in two people who are obviously fake and shallow friendship. Aren't the best friends we have the one's that are the most honest and real with us? So why do we get angry when they are honest and real around other people? I think perhaps the next time I realize someone is talking behind my back....I'll simply tell them to do a better job at it because I found out. Just a thought. :D
Original Date: Jul. 14th, 2008 01:24 pm
No comments:
Post a Comment